Welcome to my mind.

If I had just stuck to my word, it all would have been okay.  The night he dissapeared I cried myself to sleep. Him screaming, covered in blood “this is all your fault, you know its all YOUR fault”. replayed in my head until I wasn’t concious anymore.
…I said i’m sorry the last time I saw him, its all I could say. I told him i’d say I was sorry every day for the rest of my life.. I got my last look and went inside.. It all came together.
I had filled him full of lies for the whole time we were together. if thats what we even were. We were happy. Robbing indians, coke binges, fucking up…not caring. I loved him, but he never knew that. I wanted to tell him but he’d never beleive me after everything I did..
He says… “Hes cheating on you, he has been for two weeks, hes been fucking her, you wanna know where he was every time he said he was somewhere else?  .. Yep” I fucked up and he rubbed it in my face every day. I didn’t know it in the beginning but I fucked it all up…for both of us. I told him i’d be with him, when i got a place, He introduced me to his best friend.   when I get a place, thats who moved in. he continued to be homeless and jobless. i kept him close to me. he stole nintey dollars from me, after I had been letting him stay at my house and eat my food and use my shower. i let him back in, he stole again, go alex. i let him back, Because we thought he learned his lesson the first time. but he stole again…We made him learn his lesson.. the cops picked him up.. he ditched his pills… the guy was out to kill him after that..I’ll never see him again, and im living here with his best friend. he has no where to go, and nothing. he will be dead and its all my fault. just like he said when they picked him up… “This is all your fault.. and you know it..”

I’m sorry.

walkthearth asked: You don't get on here anymore, huhhh? = ( I don't really know what happened, but I miss you tons... especially after going through everything on your blog thing and being reminded of your awesomeness.
<3
sadface...
I still think you're beautiful.

I miss you too pretty, i dont know what happened, but it definitly sucked… do you still have my number? we should try hanging out again.

well, its complicated but its getting better by the day, I have a boyfriend named Charlie, and he’s pretty great. we’re the opposite sex version of eachother, if that makes sense. we even have the same birthday.

I have a job, I work with dogs. at Noahs ark.

I have an apartment, with charlie.

I have awesome friends, and I work like eleven hours a day. so I never have time for anything or anyone.

but, It took a while and i finally got to where i wanted to be.

Oh my god, today’s slow as fuck.

I did 8 yesterday in like.. a couple hours.
and today its already 5:30 and No ones fucking caaallleeeedddd…

So yeah, yesterday was AWESOME.

Kira came over, with skylar and justina.
Attempted to roll a blunt.
But instead We smoked like five bowls.
Friz came,
Gave me a bowl.
Kira came back. with little Kira. Naomi and Triscan were here.
We smoked a blunt and a bowl.
Cody nate and amber came over.
Gave me a g and a bud.
Kira came over with.. fuckn.. um.. I think kira and Justina.
and they come up and Im not really sure how much but we smoked.
Then Joe came out and jackson gave me a bud.
Then Kira came back out with Skyler and Ambeeer and then I got a quarter and we rolle two blunts and smoked like a gram, plus kira smoked one bowl, and I gave skyler a bowl. :P
and then We all passed out. and I smoked them two wake and bake bowls and they left. and I still have greenage.

Plus all the ones I did by myself before and after everyone came and left.
Yuuummm….

Oh, also I was walking around in my room and found a bud on the floor, it was pretty awesome.

was yesterday a good day?